The Company You Keep

How much time do you spend with yourself and no one else?  The typical answer I imagine is not that much.  We are by nature social animals, and we enjoy the company of others most of the time.  Every once and a while (and this measurement differs from person to person), we find ourselves alone, whether by choice or by accident.  On this trip, being alone is often a daily affair.  Sometimes it's because you can't keep up, or the others can't, and sometimes you just feel like being solo.  Either way, there is a great deal of time to yourself out here on the road.  You are probably wondering where I am going with this, and, given my past posts, I don't blame you.

On the way out of the Powell Reservoir (yes, I refuse to refer to this as a lake), I found myself alone in the canyons and desert, and I liked it, I cherished it, and I tried to keep it that way for the entire day. I realized one of the greatest issues with being alone is that many folks are not comfortable with themselves.  Sitting alone with nothing but your own thoughts for hours can be a scary proposition even to the most hardened individualists.  The fact is, all of us have things that we would rather not think about, that rear their heads when we are alone.  Try as you might, sometimes you can't fight the cloud away.  Nor should you really.  We are an amalgamation of all our experiences, good and bad.  You can learn so much about yourself if you take the time to delve into your own thoughts, even the worst of them.  Now I don't spend all of these rides thinking dark thoughts - far from it, but what makes it difficult to be alone are the dark thoughts.  If it weren't that way, no one would have a problem being by themselves, we wouldn't search out friends when we were in a low time.  I think it is unfortunate though that we avoid these moments merely because they are uncomfortable.  Discomfort leads to understanding and to change.  These moments are necessary for all of us to grow mentally and spiritually.

I have spent a great deal of time to myself in my life, so much so that it is no big deal out here on the road. In fact, I search it out from time to time.  Many people embark on journeys like this to find themselves - I applaud these people.  I wonder, however, why it takes such a major move for someone to find his/herself?  No matter though, at least they are trying to do it.  I think it is very important that we know ourselves.  I also think that the desert is a good place to do this.

The desert is a funny place.  It seems like only criminals and people that are a little insane are at home here...think Ed Abbey.  As harsh as all the environments that we have passed through have been, the desert is king.  As with everywhere else, the payoff is equal to the pay in.  I am surrounded by a maze of red and white stone canyons, junipers struggling to sip the few drops of moisture in the soil.  Actually it is funny - I described the beauty of the plains as it's haunting emptiness, and the rockies by its consumption of space - the desert, oddly enough - possesses both of these characteristics.  The colors are stunning - reds, browns, greens, whites - it looks like the face of Mars, but with small, stunted trees on it.

One of the aspects of southern Utah that I really admire is that this is desert living done right.  For millenia, humans have lived in desert environments, but the trick has been living within your means.  The desert teaches you that times of plenty are not guaranteed.  Life in the desert should be thrifty.  With the development of water moving technology we have moved away from this.  We have created massive kingdoms in the arid places of our country.  Southern Utah, however, is sparse - it's desert living as it should be.  Here in this beautiful wasteland, I and many others have looked deeply into themselves, plumbed the depths of our souls.  I suppose it is as likely to be a negative experience as it is to be a positive one, but I think that the overall effect should be positive.  I firmly believe that the better you know yourself, the better your relationships will be.  Maybe I am wrong, but that is what I think.

The climbs and the heat are brutal here, but they are infinitely worth it.  Anything that is worth doing is worth doing well.